I saw him, my dad, yesterday as I was shaving. I didn’t literally see him but I saw him in me. I had to tip my head back so i could use my bifocals to see what I was shaving. We don’t look a lot alike but he is in me. 
It’s weird when I see that, see him in me. Sometimes It is unsettling.
We didn’t get along. I held a grudge against him for the way he treated my mom. He was not always kind. Sometimes he could be very cruel. He never repented. Not to me anyway.
My sister shared a letter that he had written to my mom when he thought he was dying. He was very apologetic and loving. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe I wasn’t supposed to be his judge. Maybe?
I wasted many years in estrangement. He got sick and life changed for all of us. Then my mom died. Then he died.
He was a hero doing many heroic things for many different people. He was a friend and a guide to many lost boys who had no fathers. He was a hard working man. He was a good man in many respects.
I am not filled with regret, but I do have many regrets.
Dad, sorry for my part of the estrangement. I love you and I miss you.
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