Sometimes when I’m hurt or angry I don’t go to Jesus first. I know what he will say, forgive as you have been forgiven. I don’t want to forgive, I was wronged or damaged or disappointed and it hurts. I want to be coddled and soothed and petted and sided with. I have unmet expectations and the world is not serving me like it should.
That’s a dangerous place to be. There is someone who will cuddle me and soothe me and take my side. He is no friend. He is the enemy of my soul. He wants me to build a case, build a wall, build my resentment, build my anger all the while he wants to tear me down, tear me away, tear me apart. He will do anything it takes to keep me from remembering Jesus’ words, “12 And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. 14 For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”
If he succeeds in getting me to stumble, then he has a wedge between God and me. Now not only am I angry but now I am also ashamed. I want to cleanse myself before I approach God but there is no way to pre-rinse the stain of sin.
Jesus always meets me where I am. Meets me in my need.
“You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
If you who are reading this and are stuck in the hurt/anger/sin/shame cycle too, let us both jump off of this not-so-merry-go-round and ask forgiveness and also be forgiven. I also want to go back up the path of my life and see where I can begin to apply God’s word in my life so I can avoid this Nauseating cycle.
Jesus forgive me. I also forgive those who’ve hurt me. Help me avoid this cycle Jesus, show me in your word how to live better. Amen?